Never again would the bird's song be the same
by hollogram
Summary: The whole book from Rue's pov, through tragedy and happiness alike. Please read and review! First fanfic ever, so please be nice. Hope you like it! Based on the poem by Robert Frost, "Never again would the bird's song be the same."
1. My sister, my singer, my savior

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**Never Again Would Bird's Song Be the Same**

**He would declare and could himself believe**

**That the birds there in all the garden round**

**From having heard the daylong voice of Eve**

**Had added to their own an oversound,**

**Her tone of meaning but without the words.**

**Admittedly an eloquence so soft**

**Could only have had an influence on birds**

**When call or laughter carried it aloft.**

**Be that as may be, she was in their song.**

**Moreover her voice upon their voices crossed**

**Had now persisted in the woods so long**

**That probably it never would be lost.**

**Never again would birds' song be the same.**

**And to do that to birds was why she came. **

**--Robert Frost**

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I sat up high up in a tree, watching the sunrise over the hills of green. It was beautiful- not the uniform lines of trees, picked, plucked, climbed and slaved over day after day by everyone in her town- but the off limit woods which turned a glowing yellow, mirroring the rays of sun, lifting into the sky presenting the new day. A day full of grief and worry. Today, two people would be chosen out of thousands to, summed up, die.

A glass ball, that swirls with names- of which exactly 9 have Rue carefully written on them- holds the sad destiny of two children. So, here I waited, unable to sleep, safe. A feeling that only grew farther from me as the sun came closer. I felt safe knowing I could never be caught by peacemakers because I could jump from tree to tree, higher than they'd ever been in their lives.

I looked to my right to see two blue eyes fluttering open. Hope. I had nursed her from birth when her mother died by the peacemakers hands, trying to feed her family. It used to be illegal to kill a mockingbird, but a mockingjay can be killed as easily as a man can be spanked publicly for trying to feed his family. I take an apple from the tree I sat in, chewed it up and put a bit in the palm of my hand for Hope to eat.

What would she do without me? What would anyone? My family would need someone to climb high enough in the trees and retrieve food, but I guess Lilac could do that. And the town could find another person to tell them when work was done. Hope was old enough too, and I have the feeling that she would fly off if nor for me. I was holding her back, so maybe it would be better for her if I left.

The sun was well up in the sky by now, and I got up, pet Hope's head, and whistled our little goodbye tune. She repeated it back, but then added on the song I used to say "Time to go home" to the hardworking pickers. "Yes, Hope", I said, kissing the circular scar left on her stomach, and smiling, " It is time to go home". Maybe she needed me more than I thought. Or maybe the little song was to say something else. Something that was creeping up on me.

Fate.

People gathered in the town square, the floors made of brick were the only floors in the town not plain dirt. Every time I set a foot on the bricks though, a shiver went down my spine, thoughts of death ran through my head. An empty spot in my heart ached, something I'd never been able to talk about aloud.

Exactly three years ago, yesterday, I was walking home, with my best friend. My older sister. Rill. She carried my food for me. I held her hand. She picked a flower for me, and I put it in my hair.

Rill sang, as I had stolen apples and a squirrel rill had shot for me in my bag, and she knew that music calmed me down. She too loved music. Her ancestors had written down songs of the past before North America became Panem, so, on rare occasions, when the wind howled against my window or when I went to sleep with my stomach growling, she would come, from her house next door to sing me a song from the book.

Rill. My sister, my singer.

Rill Frost. My savior.

I tensed up when I saw a guard setting up for the reaping. Rill sang, in her beautiful, clear voice a song that was about how everything was going to be fine. That I would be fine. That's when the guard heard us. He turned around. The sun was set, and most people were home. He seemed younger, he seemed bitter that he had to finish decorating by himself. He seemed intensely aware of his gun.

"You two!" he called. Rill pretended she hadn't heard him, and sang louder, and the mockingjays started to sing along. More of them joined in as the man's cries became louder, harsher. Rill smiled at me, trying to soothe away the pained expression off my face. I clutched her hand like a lifeline, because the man had grabbed the end of my shirt and was pulling my backwards, yelling.

"Is there a problem?", Rill interviened, as if I weren't in immediate danger. As if there was no man grabbing my shirt and screaming. As if she wasn't scared,

The man dropped my shirt, stunned, but resumed his original manner. 'What's in the bag", he said.

"apples", replied Rill.

"Oh really?", he said, rabbing my bags. Apples tumbled over, but so did the squirrel.

"Run, Rue" Rill whispered into my ear. And though I knew not what to do, I ran. Behind me, I heard yelling, I heard painful noises, but mostly I heard Rill's song, overlapping too much, making it sound like chaos, destruction. Screaming. I wanted to yell at them, it was like they were following me. So I turned around, about to yell, when in the distance, I saw the man rais his gun, and shoot. I ran, and so did the man.

When I reached Rill, she was gone. She sat, more beautiful and innocent as ever, surrounded in a pool of blood. I grabbed the apples, the squirrel and the book of songs. Not wanting to leave Rill there, to be found later, so vulnerable, I took the flower from my hair and put it over the hole made by the gun. The flower lay, beautiful as Rill, right over her heart.

Rill has haunted me ever since.


	2. Whoever said luck wasn't subjective?

**Thank you so much to caisha702, MZC16, gethsemane342, and AJLL for reviewing. It means a lot to me :]**

**Anyway, here's chapter two, the reaping.**

**Constructive criticism always welcome.**

** I forgot to write this in my last one.**

** I do not own, to my dismay.**

**Please review, and if you already did, please review this chapter. Let me know what you think of what I did, should i keep it?**

**Thank you for reading :]**

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"You look so pretty!" Rill's admiring voice cooed in my head. I saw her dark, long hair flowing in the breeze. I knew it wasn't normal to hear voices, but Rill had kept my family alive, kept me alive. She was the one who gave me courage to cross over the fence once in a while. She was the one who told me to keep enough food to sustain me, so I wouldn't give it all to my sisters and brothers. Without her, my family would be starving, and I would be dead.

"Thank you, Rill," I said, in my head, "of course." She made me feel self conscious, so pulled at the hem of my mother's old reaping dress, which was way to big on me, but a bow was tied around my waist. I held my breath and stepped onto the plaza. Carefully, I averted my gaze from where the old blood stained the bricks. There was nothing actually there, but in my mind, Rill would always lie there, cold and lovely. I would always be there, laying a flower over Rill's dry heart, running home to a new day. A better one. One she would never see.

"Thank you again… for that." Rill echoed. "No problem," I answered. It was awkward for a second. Neither of us liked to think about that day. Rill made jokes in my ear, calming me down. In my mind, she never sang, it was as if she couldn't. That was hers, not a memory of hers, so her jokes were a substitute. She had a sarcastic tone, always did, but was more pleasant around me. I could, on better days, drag a real laugh out of her. She kept a smile plastered on her face, but I knew what the real one looked like.

I closed my eyes, feeling the air on my face, like this could be the last time. And it could. The Hunger Games could do anything. For a second, I felt like I sprouted wings, and took off. I floated above it. From up high, it was all so funny, so trivial. The fear of being chosen, death even, was all so comical form up here. Up here, nothing mattered. Up here, Rill would always be with me-

"Rue, Rue!" My brothers and sisters screamed form behind me. Even Feeric, who was two years younger than I, was taller than me, had more meat on his bones. Lilac skipped up, tripping on the stones. Feeric moved without sound, lithe and graceful, like he flew on the ground, but se couldn't climb. No, Lilac could. She just couldn't walk. I embraced them; I stared at their worried faces, and found myself worrying. "What are the odds?" Rill asked, looking for comfort too. I stared at 4-year-old Vorace, clinging onto my skinny legs, and looked up at the sky. It was cloudy. "Not in my favor", I replied to Rill.

I gave them each a peck on the top of their heads, and went to assume my position in the 12-year-old section. I looked around. Though I had no best friends, people liked me.

They listened to me sing.

They gave me flowers when Rill died.

Me.

Not her brother.

The girl who stood next to me was one named Ella. Her family was never hungry. Her father was a peacekeeper. Though Rill hater her for this, I liked her, she was nice to me. She gave me a piece of her bread for lunch once when I had nothing to eat. In return, I gave her the brightest apple I could find the next day. She looked nervous, and against Rill's wishes, I offered her some consolation.

" You're not going to get picked," I said once the mayor began to prattle on about the war not even my parents could remember. She was shocked, and waited until the mayor got to the demise of district 13 to respond.

"How…. How do you know?" Ella said, wary of the intense conviction in my voice. I gave her a pitying smile.

" Just watch" I tilted my head towards the stage where our escort- a man who always looked like he wanted to participate in the Games, or even meet a real career tribute- crosses the stage towards the giant glass ball. He says a few words, but no one really cares.

And may the odds be ever in my favor.

He reaches in.

I grab Ella's hand. I may not have to be chosen, I mean there are thousands of names.

His hand fishes for a name

I squeeze her hand. No. I'm being chosen, I'm sure.

His hand balls up around a slip

She squeezes back. It may not be so bad, I mean. I could survive

He brings the paper to his face

Our hands are losing circulation. No, who am I kidding; I could never survive against those big guys who've spent their entire lives training for this.

He opens his mouth

But then again-

"**Rue Goldfinch"**

And there it was.

I gave a knowing smile to my right, to Ella, who had fainted. She pushed my hand away, as if realizing she was touching someone dead, disgusting. Someone who was already gone. I composed my features, knowing that my life was over, and not caring. I was in the sky, the trees, flying above these petty games. Flying above the big stairs to the podium, above the capitol, who was always being silly, overreacting to a tantrum their districts threw.

In the trees, I laughed away at the little girl on the stage, about to be sent to die, I laughed at the pained expressions on her family's face. In the trees, I laughed at the silly question they asked, " Are there any volunteers?".

In the trees, the forest was alive with sounds, mockingjays sang and the leaves clapped.

On the podium, you could hear the wind whistle through the decrepit buildings around me. There's no one willing to take my place.

I held my head high and basked in the silence, because in my head. Rill howled to take my place.

People mumbled congratulations, good luck, and good wishes, but all I could concentrate on was the ranting in my head. It was the only thing that kept me anchored to my place on the podium.

**" Thresh Frost"**

"You've GOT to be kidding me," was all Rill could manage before my head was silent. Not only was I, her sister in all connotations of the word, being sent to die, but now;

Her brother.

In all senses of the word, was too.

Either one, or, most likely two members of her family were gong to die.

The odds were not very much in her favor today.


	3. Broken legs give way for budding wings

**Chapter three!**

**I'm trying to do them regularly,**

**maybe one or two updates a week.**

**Thank you so much, again, to Gethsemane342 and caisha702 for reviewing both chapters.**

**also, caisha, I'm going to do the family history for the next chapter,**

**you'll understand why.**

**Please review!**

**Constructive criticism welcome, really, please, tell me what i'm doing wrong (or right :])! **

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One day, when I was six, Rill proposed we go to the forest. It wasn't as if I was afraid, but this was during the Hunger Games, so the usually silent fence was buzzing with life. Though most people would see this as a setback, Rill saw an adventure. We spent an hour walking along the fence, looking for a quiet spot with two adjoining trees.

Once we found it, we threw our bags over the edge and began to climb. We got to the edge of the branch and stood. There was about a three foot gap- something I could easily jump now- to the branch on the other side. Rill jumped first, landing perfectly. It looked easy enough until it was time to jump, but I swallowed my fears when Rill assured me she'd catch me. I took a step back, then flung myself towards Rill, ready to catch me. I had just gotten on the tip of the branch when my feet slid to the side. My fingers slid off Rill's palm and out of her reach as she grabbed the air. I frantically clamored for something solid to grab, finding a small lower branch. I hung a half a foot above the live fence. I tried to pull myself up, but noticed a crack in the branch. Rill climbed down as swiftly as she could, but had no way to help. If she got on, the branch would break faster, I would be electrocuted, and she would fall. If I was going to die either way, she didn't have to be hurt.

"Rill!" I said, knowing it was futile. I was a gonner, all I was really looking for was her to tell me that everything was going to be fine. For her to sing.

"Rill!" I repeated, and the mockingjays echoed me a thousand times, as if it were a beautiful melody instead of a final defense.

All that Rill could do from her branch above me, was press her three middle fingers to her lips and hold them out. She said nothing but in her eyes, I would see her saying:

I'm sorry.

I love you.

Goodbye.

Knowing I had bout two seconds, I thrust myself towards District 11, towards home, causing the branch to break and my body to be flung into the open air. My senses were clearer than they had ever been:

I heard my last scream gobble the mimicking ones of the mockingjays.

I saw the branch break off and fall on the fence, which caused it to light up, and when it fell, to cause a small fire in the brush, scarring my left wrist forever.

I smelled the burning wood.

I felt the air caress my skin.

I saw Rill's tear falling alongside me, and her hand hopelessly reach out to save me.

And when I fell, I saw cartoon mockingjays circling me, and singing a child's song as if they could still form whole words.

I was numb for a moment before the chaos caught up with me, the screaming in my head became painful and my knees became weak.

Every part of my body ached to be somewhere else.

This is the pain I felt at the moment, as Thresh, Rill's only brother, Thresh Frost, the man who still blamed me for his sister's death, walked up the stairs to face his fate

I felt the pain as Rill and I silently and trivially begged someone to volunteer to take his spot.

I felt the pain as he shot me glances out of the corner of his eye. Glances full of hatred and contempt. Unforgiving glances of knowledge that I would die in the arena, and that he may find it fair. Karma.

I felt the pain as we shook hands. His easily 5 times bigger than mine, knowing that if he ever has the chance, he would kill me.

I felt the pain as he refused to look me in the eyes.

I felt the pain when, despite himself, his whole face lit up at the speed of the elevator, turning into a little boy again. "He always loved shiny toys, but we could never afford them," Rill lamented. I mourned with her.

But mostly, I felt the pain when we walked into our separate rooms in the justice building, and I turned my back on him.

Knowing that no one will be lined up to talk to him except his mother (he's not much of a social butterfly, to say the least.).

Knowing that he may well die, never knowing how sorry I am, never knowing what really happened to his sister. Never knowing how much she still loves him.

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The day I fell was the start of my life. Though I was confined to the ground for two months because of my broken legs, I was flying. I was never again scared of the trees, because it was the ground that had broken my legs, not the tree. I didn't feel safe on the ground, so I lived in the trees. I never fell again.

Though this time If I fell, no one would carry me home, plaster my wounds, and sing me to sleep.

This time if I fell, I will be alone, and Thresh will have probably been the one to push me.

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**I know, nothing much happens in this chapter, just bear with me.**

**please review!**

**Thank you guys so much for reading!**

**You're the reason i write :]**


	4. Velvet is life's unsolved mystery

**Sorry it took so long to update!**

**Kind of long chapter,**

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** You guys are my inspiration!**

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I settled into the plush couch. It was soft. I stroked it up and down, calming myself, wishing I knew what the fabric's name was. Wishing I'd live to find out. I'd given up already. I stood no chance.

"Rue!' cried my brothers and sisters. Now, at least they wouldn't have to feel bad every time I gave them my food. I tried to be discreet, but they knew. They all had a bit more meat on their bones.

They clung to me, as if they couldn't survive without me. I felt needed. I felt loved. It was warm, like flying. I smiled and basked in the glow of love. I wanted to live in this moment forever. All too soon it ended. My peace of mind was drowned out by sobs and frantic howls. I stroked the couch for leverage. Voices drowned out other voices. People aching to be heard screamed out tips, they screamed out professions of their love, screamed out for me to remember them.

And I would.

I would remember them just as they were.

Hiebe, the youngest, who sat on my mothers lap, understanding only that something bad was happening.

Eris, one of the triplets- Well, twins now- adventurous and destructive.

Vorace. Four-year-old Vorace, chewing on an herb he'd probably picked up along the way. Little Vorace, who covered his ears as everyone screamed.

Zinnia, who sings me to sleep. Zinnia is one of the only ones who remembers Rill and what her voice sounded like.

Monkshood. Who was so paranoid, that as a baby, you could tap him on the shoulder and he'd start to cry.

Carnation. My baby. The one I raised while my mother succumbed to her own indulgences. She was happy. Not that I was leaving, but she was just perpetually happy. Her face was rosy pink and her unusually light hair had strands of pink. Pink like the flower for which she was named. The one I found and strung in her hair the day she was born. At least my family would have someone to cling to for their well-being. Carnation. My baby. So perpetually happy, she couldn't even cry now.

Finally, my mother, Dahlia.

Drunker I'd ever seen her.

But at least she was here.

Unlike Bay.

The third triplet, born when I was in my cast from the fall. She came out like a feather, as my mother said. The lightest baby she'd ever seen. Everyone expected her to die. Most likely of hunger, as her food provider was in a cast and to cope with it, her mother was unrelentingly drunk.

Rill and I took care of her. Turned her a slightly less sickly green color. The color that gave her the name Bay.

The second child, healthiest of the three, died seven days later. Bay lived, but kept to herself. Bay, at seven years old was more mature than any other seven year old you'd ever meet. To Bay, everything had a purpose.

A reason.

From that, I knew that Bay wasn't absent for no reason. I didn't try to guess, to decipher Bay's reasoning. I only wished that the others had followed in her footsteps.

The chaos drew on. I smiled at it, catching the occasional word, but mostly listening to the underlying sound of love.

"You could live" Rill tried, still distracted by Thresh and the silence probably floating around his room. We both knew she was lying, but neither of us pointed it out. We just clung to the glimmer of hope.

All too soon the peacekeepers ushered them out. They all reached for my hand. I didn't bother to lift it from the soft couch.

In came some school friends. They cried. They told me they'd miss me. They told me to come home. I nodded and smiled after that. Unaware of what they were saying. They were ushered out after a round of hugs and tears. They waved at me. I didn't bother to lift my hand from the soft couch.

In came Ella. Her eyes filled with fear. She refused to touch me. "That was really creepy" was all she said. I gave a weak half smile and a nod. "I'm sorry". She tried to hold my gaze, but gave up and stood awkwardly, unable to decide weather or not to sit. After a minute of silence she started pacing. Stopped briefly only to say "It really creeped me out." dropping her eyes at the end. I repeated my apology. She continued pacing. The Peacekeepers came in. She refused to touch me. They were dragging her out as she said, "I miss you." I noted that she spoke to me as if I were already gone. "We all miss you" who's we, I wondered. School, my family, or all of District thirteen? She waved goodbye. I didn't bother to lift my hand from the soft couch.

In came Bay, much to my surprise. She walked in with purpose. Her small body moved gracefully, like a feather, as my mother said. She stood I front of me stared me straight in the eyes, dropping something on my lap. "Your chances are slim." She said gravely. "I thought you should know." I opened my mouth to object, for her sake, for my family's sake. For my own sanity. "Oh I don't want to hear it. I'm not a child. I'm dealing with the truth. I didn't think the others would approve though." I gave her a smile. I knew what she meant. Maybe I was more like Bay than I thought.

She let me wonder off, still staring me straight in the eyes. "They will die when you do. You're going to let them down." She taunted me. My teeth began to grid together. " You're going to kill them. So either give up now, kill all of us or actually fight." She grabbed my collar and shook me violently "FIGHT! RUE, FIGHT!" And because she said that, I knew I would.

That was the moment when the Peacekeepers decided to come in. The grabbed her and pulled her backwards. I reached out for her, she didn't bother to lift her hand form her side. "Do it for them" she whispered as the door was shut in her face. She left thinking I could never love her after what she just said. Even I didn't know if I did.

I looked at what she dropped in my lap. A flower. A flower made of wood. A present to Rill that I had made a while before she died. It hung from some woven grass I had found by a stream. It was a pretty common sight around District 11. It was an old tradition from the rebellion. The wives, who were not allowed to participate**, wanted to do something for their husbands. They made hundreds of these for all the brave men who left, who died, who fought. It meant courage, it means admiration, it means hold on to who you are and where you came from.

My time was up. I said my goodbyes to District 11. To assure that I wouldn't cry in front of the cameras, in front of Thresh, I flew away. I flew into the trees above the little girl being followed by cameras to her death. Above her as she savored the best, and most food she'd ever had in her life, but I came back down as she started to watch her competition. I had made my promise to Bay.

I would fight.

I sipped tea from a cup. Curling up in my chair and ignoring the violent silence from Thresh and the envy and admiration coming from our escort, Murugan. Rill, in hopes of cheering me up cracked little jokes about everyone. For a pretty girl in District 1 named Glimmer- after making fun of her name for a considerable amount of time- Rill jokes that "You can kill her. Just don't attack form behind, she'll spend the whole Games in front of a mirror".

Though Murugan told me not to remember the other tribute's names, I couldn't help myself.

Everyone deserves to be remembered.

Rill kept cracking jokes, but everyone there outweighed me by 100 pounds at least. They played District 11's and I tried to tune out. I was almost asleep when they played District 12, until I saw the face of the girl who got picked.

Primrose Everdeen.

Rill could only muster "Look, it's you". I immediately took pity on the girl, she looked innocent and scared. She couldn't harm a fly, yet she had a weird look about her, exactly like me in a way. She was someone I would befriend, but not here, in the games, where being allies with her could mean my death…

Then I heard it. The scream that should have accompanied my name being called. My eyes trained on the little girl until she was out of the frame and I got a good look at the volenteer who looked nothing like the girl who got picked, but who was apparently, her sister. She looked strong, sarcastic, beautiful, and like a survivor.

" Look, it's you" I said to Rill, my eyes open wide, my heart bursting, and for the first time all night a tear slid down my cheek.

I knew, even then, that she was meant for me.

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**Thank you for reading.**

**Hope you liked it!**

**Review?**

**** I am not a sexist, a feminist actually. I just think Panem is a little backwards, though they do not doubt a woman's strength ( as seen in the games), just the husbands are very protective and the wives have lots of children they take care of.**


	5. The man behind the mask

**Thank you all so much for reviewing.**

**I know this has taken a longgg time to update. I went to sleep away camp with no electronics for a month. Other than that, I have no excuses for you.**

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**please review**

**constructive criticism always welcome ;D**

**A big thank you to my loyal readers, I know it's kind of slow now, but the actual games are always interesting.**

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My cheeks hurt. Rill always told me I smiled too much, that it was my natural way. It didn't matter much, I would be in a lot more pain, possibly dead in less than a week. Possibly may be an understatement. I will die in the arena, but I will not go down without a fight. My family deserves that much.

My family.

I try not to think about them too much as I walk through the train. I open the door to my room. Everything looks soft, inviting. I avoid it like it has teeth.

I contemplate sleeping in my reaping clothes, but ultimately give in to my curiosity and look through the drawers and drawers of handmade, flawless gowns and comfortable pants and shirts in all colors. All of it " at my disposal," as Murugan had told me. Not the most friendly man, but he melts a bit when I smile at him, he almost looks like he's about to cry…

The gown is softer than anything I'd ever worn but feels foreign against my skin. I wasn't quite sure what to do with my dress. If I left it on the floor, it would surely be thrown out. That was unacceptable. Though this was a new dress (most of my clothes were hand-me-downs form my larger, younger sisters,) it still smelled of home. I decided to use it as a pillow.

I had to jump a bit to get o the bed, then curled up in the corner, pushing away the comforter, then a smaller blanket, then a smaller one, then the sheets. Excess. That's all the capitol was. Excess is to the Capitol as survival is to the Hunger Games.

I contemplated, not the Hunger Games, because that itself was useless. I contemplated my death. I could die in youth, in strife and discord, in hunger, in remembrance, in caution, in admiration, in dignity, in love from my family, changing but in death. The one thing I die without is someone to love me. The ones who should be holding my hand are separated from me by miles and miles, only connected to me through a screen. The Capitol has not taken away my life, just my death. I will die alone. Eternally alone.

That's when I noticed the door opening. I considered hiding, jumping, but knew the Capitol would never let anyone hurt me. It would be too much of a pain to replace me. Trying desperately to keep my voice from trembling, I stated simply and quietly " If you're going to kill me for whatever reason, can you wait? You can watch it on TV in a week," and in stepped Thresh.

"Wh-what do you want?' I asked, curious, but it didn't show through the surprise tainting my voice.

"Couldn't sleep," he said, looking pleased he had scared me. Or sad. My eyes had yet to adjust to the dark.

"M-me neither" I said, trying to calm down, moving further into my corner. I felt safer in the corner.

" Look, Rue," he said, his dark eyes glinting with ferocity and sincerity. Glinting with so much sadness, they glowed with tears. "I want to know… before I… die," I resisted the urge to tell him he wasn't going to. I, and every other Hunger Games participant, knew that didn't help. Made it worse, even. " I wanted to know… what happened to my sister… who she was before she died. She didn't really talk to me much." I had a feeling I would never see this side of Thresh again, and I decided to take advantage of it. "What did they tell you?" I asked. They, as in the Peacekeepers, but Thresh understood what I meant. He looked at me with withdrawn eyes. Eyes that have been betrayed "They said that she committed suicide," spitting the last word out at me. In any district, suicide is looked down upon. A disgrace. I knew they told the town it was suicide, I didn't think they would do the same to Thresh. Surprisingly, though, no one looked down upon me because of her death. They were kind, generous. Apparently, they didn't extend the same courtesy to Thresh. He could take them physically. He was a "Big Boy" as my mother calls him.

I looked up at him, loosening my grip on my legs. He came forward, sitting on the edge of the bed. "She wouldn't do that, you know. She was happy. And even if she wasn't, she would have left you a note… or something", I looked up at Thresh expectantly. His eyes seemed filled with ancient sadness, but he smiled a bit, replying "I know. I knew it all along." I smiled back, making my cheeks hurt, ignoring the pain. There was a silence. "Well," Thresh seemed to choke out, "how did she die… then." I smiled ruefully. "Well, we were walking home, carrying food. Rill picked a flower and put it in my hair…."

And with that I told him the whole story. He sat unmoving, taking it all in, closing his eyes sometimes. It looked like he was trying to picture it. Only when I got to the gunshot, his expression changed. His nostrils flared, he opened his eyes, and jumped off the bed. He picked up a chair and threw it at a wall. It broke in two immediately. He stood there, his breathing became slower and his eyes dimmed from excited to horrified as he saw how scared I was. "I-I-I'm sorry" he stuttered. "I... I didn't mean to scare you…. I'm sorry". He sat back down on the bed, ashamed of himself. " You can continue… If you want… I'll be good. I promise." With reproachful eyes, I took a deep breath and launched back into my tale. Only at the end did I look up from my toes to see that Thresh had a single tear running down his face. He seemed at a loss for words. He didn't talk much and I tried my best to make him comfortable enough to speak. " She… she really loved you, you know." And I didn't know what to say either. I nodded, he thanked me for telling him the story, I nodded again.

"Well", he said, brushing invisible dust off his new Capitol made pants. Unable to continue his sentence, he got up and walked away. Knowing that I may never have another chance to talk to him like this again, I racked my brains for anything I could ask him.

" Does this… thing have anything to do with the… district 12 girl" who looks and acts exactly like Rill, I was about to add, but Thresh seemed to get my point. He seemed to consider this for a second before replying with a sly smile "Maybe"

Then, for the first time, Thresh Frost turned his back on me and walked away.


	6. In battles of the mind, the devil wins

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**Up at long last.**

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For the past few years of my life I have had an odd version of the angel and the devil people use to illustrate their conscience. I am in no way a goody two shoes. The thrill of sneaking food back home is the highlight of my day. But I love people. Rill says I'm too nice, that there are people out there who deserve a prank or a mean glare. I disagree. I believe in goodness and second chances for everyone. How I'm going to kill in the arena is beyond me, but I digress. What I'm saying is that Rill enjoys- to put it lightly- pranking people. I have kept her from this form of enjoyment for years now, but seeing as my life span has been shortened many a year, I see no harm in having some "fun" with the capitol people who look and act more like aliens to me.

"We're going to start out small," Rill said so I could hear the smile in her voice. She'd been much happier since Thresh knew the truth. It was almost scary in these circumstances.

"Just cause a little turmoil, nothing big," she continued mysteriously. I groaned inwardly.

"What are we doing?" I ask, scared of what was coming.

"YOU my dear, are hiding"

"Where? I wouldn't fit into the drawers and hiding underneath the chair would seem a bit childish…." We chuckle a bit at the thought of a big guard from the capitol finding me hiding underneath a chair as I turn my head towards the window. The sun was coming up and I knew breakfast would start in a half an hour. They would be coming in soon to wake me. Rill had to hurry up.

"I'm hurrying, I'm hurrying," she says defensively," If you noticed last night, you had to jump to get on your bed-"

"Big whoop Rill, I'm short. I'm glad you noticed"

"No. Not that Rue. It's that the bed is tall for something that has nothing underneath. Okay, just trust me here… No, I am not crazy… Just kick the bed… DO IT!" she said though I continued to be skeptical.

I kicked the bed. Hard. I started hopping around the room on one foot "Not THAT hard. My god, it's like talking to a rock," she said, obviously joking. She didn't want to hurt my feelings.

"So, what was the point of that, other than to insult and hurt me" I ask, trying out sarcasm. It didn't work very much for me apparently because Rill groaned a bit at my attempt.

"Didn't you hear it?" she inquired incredulously, " The hollowness?"

What she was trying to do dawned on me. I jumped on the bed and lifted the mattress to find little wood bars, but below that, emptiness. It was actually huge. I could sit up without bumping my head. I quickly pulled away a few of the wood bars and climbed in, replacing them and lowering the mattress. That's when I realized how dark it was. I didn't mind though. It was just odd. My eyes adjusted and I saw how dusty it was in here. There were multiple cobwebs and some sawdust near the corners. It was hard to realize that something so beautiful and inviting could be so ugly underneath. "Maybe even deadly" thought Rill, mentally glaring at the poisonous looking spider looming in a dark corner. She always hated spiders and since she's been in my head, I've grown to share that fear.

We waited a few more minutes in silence until we heard the guard come in to wake me up.

"District 11! Breakfast" he growled. You'd think they'd be nicer to the children who are about to die. Then he turns around and slams the door.

Oh no! Oh no, no, no! They aren't going to notice I'm gone. I'm no good at pranks-

Big scary capitol guard walks back in. Well, I guess he noticed I wasn't there. He murmurs something and leaves again, but he acknowledged I wasn't there. I hear a little bit of scrambling outside then around 5 sets of footsteps come in. They're knocking over the chairs and the dresser. "Where'd she go!?" they were all yelling. Rill was snickering inside my head and I was trying not to do the same. All of a sudden the train lurched. I didn't ever expect something made by the capitol could have flaws. Usually this would bother me, but everything seemed funny. I heard the guards bump into one another and fall. By this point I had to stuff my fist into my mouth to stop from being heard. Rill was howling inside my head, which didn't really help my situation. Rill's giggle could make me smile on even my worst day. The guards were screaming from all sides of the train. There must have been over thirty looking for me at this point. One who sounded big and grumpy- probably one of the ones who hurt himself- yelled, "SHE'S NOT IN HERE! She probably jumped out the window. I wear she's so tiny she could fit through the little windows…." He mumbled as everyone exited the room. Usually when people made fun of my size I laughed, annoyed while Rill cursed them out in my head. Now, Rill and I were laughing harder than we ever had, not annoyed in the least. We waited, occasionally giggling to make sure no one was coming back.

"Okay" Rill said, " Now, just climb back into bed and act like you've been there the whole time."

I laughed, "You think they'll buy it?"

"No!" she continued, laughing so hard she had to talk between gasps. "But…. What… other…. Choice…. Do they have? I mean…. It's not like you… disappeared!"

We laughed for a while and I began to push the wooden bars out of the way still smiling, but they wouldn't move. The smile was wiped off my face.

"It won't move," I said, sobering.

"What?" Rill asked, still chortling.

"It. Won't. Budge!"

"What!?" she said, completely aware of the enormity of the situation. That was a great thing about Rill. She adapted easily to any situation. I envied her. "Try pushing harder!"

Knowing it wouldn't work, I still pushed harder.

"Still not moving" I sighed.

Rill sighed too and I slumped against a corner.

" We'll just have to… wait for…. Someone" we said together.

We waited for what seemed like a half an hour not moving. Halfway through we realized the train had been stopped for some time. "What have I done?" I silently asked Rill. "It's not your fault Rue, don't worry. Just stay calm. We'll get out of here…" though she didn't sound convinced. She was still glaring murderously at the scary spider in the corner. I scooted further into my corner, away from the eight-legged monster.

That's when I heard footsteps and Thresh's voice. Thresh! He could save us. Rill silently agreed.

"Thresh!" I whispered. I tried a little louder, "Thresh!". The voice stopped. "THRESH!" I cried. The mattress over my moved and some light crept into my alcove, illuminating even more spider webs. Then big hands moved the wood blocks out of the way and I could see Thresh's face. "Oh, thank goodness you showed up Thresh, I don't know what I would have done if-"

Murugan and someone I had never met show up at Thresh's side. The stranger sends me such a scary glare, I cower. The unknown person speaks, "I am Enyo. Your mentor." Oh god. "And you are-"

"Rue", I interrupt her.

"-in big trouble" she continues. I guess we know how she won the Games, because from here, she looks murderous.

That's when I realize my tie to the outside world; the person who lines up my sponsors, and sends me gifts is now glaring at me like no one ever has before.

The person who is difference the between life and death in the arena is the first person in this world, ever, to hate me.

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**Up next: Costumes. Those are always fun. And since they didn't describe the opening costume, I'm going crazy with ideas. Just not all of them are exactly "good" :P**

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